Frank Cerabino does his "short takes" on the news.
Short takes on the news, Volume No. 28:
When it comes to hurricanes in Florida, we measure the blow in more than miles per hour
Police in Florida coastal cities have reported that Hurricane Dorian’s near passage in the Atlantic Ocean brought 16 bricks of cocaine ashore.
Momma bears in Florida get to lactate in peace -- for now
The State of Florida, faced with a public relations outcry when it reinstated hunting of black bears in 2015, was supposed to resume the hunt this year. But, instead, wildlife officers have put off a decision for at least one more year.
In that 2015 hunt, which was authorized despite 75 percent public disapproval, hunters killed 36 lactating females among the 304 bears shot in the prematurely aborted two-day bloodbath.
President Trump erroneously tweeted that Alabama “will mostly likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated” by Hurricane Dorian. Then he pretended it wasn’t a mistake.
"Good news, sir. We found an outdated, four-day old spaghetti chart from the South Florida Water Management District that can be used to explain your Alabama er, um, assertion ... No, sir. The South Florida Water Management District isn’t in Alabama.
"But it’s the best we can do unless you want to get a Sharpie and alter the official National Hurricane Center track. But I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do tha … Oh, my."
“Sounds doable to me,” says Democratic presidential candidates Bill DeBlasio, Marianne Williamson, Tulsi Gabbard, Tim Ryan, and John Delaney.
The Miami Dolphins, widely regarded as the worst team among the 32 in the National Football League, begin their season this weekend with 10,000-to-1 odds of winning the Super Bowl.
“Your honor, on behalf of my cold-blooded client, I’d like to point out that if somebody stepped on you, you’d probably bite too.”
Kelsey Pollock, while working in the Arthur R. Marshall National Wildlife Refuge in suburban Boynton Beach accidentally stepped on an alligator in waist deep water.
The alligator bit her leg then swam away.
In other swamp creature news ...
Florida’s Chief Financial Officer Jimmy Patronis left the state on Thursday to attend a political fundraiser in New York while Florida was under a state of emergency due to the approach of Hurricane Dorian.
Patronis was the only member of the Florida Cabinet to miss the next morning’s hurricane briefing at the state’s Emergency Operations Center.
A budding profession is born in Florida for the few who feel your pain
More than half of Florida’s 168,810 patient approvals for medicinal marijuana over a six month period came from just 89 doctors, a draft report of a state study found.
While 1,207 physicians had active medical-marijuana certifications, just 89 of them -- about 7 percent of the doctors -- were responsible for 94,850 of the certifications, or about 56 percent of the total, the Tampa Bay Times reported.
Chronic pain is the most popular qualifying condition, the report found.
Clearly, this is just catering to all those latte-sipping, kale-eating, NPR-listening “coastal elites” who shop there
Walmart has requested its customers not to openly display their firearms while shopping.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to draw the wall with a Sharpie that Mexico pays for?
A $17 million Defense Department project to build a fire-rescue station at Tyndall AIr Force Base in the Florida Panhandle will be put on hold.
The project is part of the $3.6 billion in appropriated military expenditures that are being repurposed by President Trump to pay for a wall on the Southern Border.
The move to raid the military budget comes after Congress refused to appropriate the money for the border wall earlier this year.
The construction project at the Air Force base was part of the rebuilding after the base was hit hard by Hurricane Michael last year. Trump visited the base in May, saying that it would be rebuilt "better than ever."